Last night I was at the roller derby AFTER after party and I was discussing what my friends thought about my cam friend. It seems that they found her a little off-putting. I asked them why they thought so. Evidently, she asked them if they smoked and when everybody said they didn't, she pulled out her own pack of cigarettes. It basically made them feel like she felt like she was entitled to free things from men. It lead to a very interesting discussion.
The gist of the conversation; when a man buys a woman a drink is there a societal contract understood at that point that the woman then owes him a conversation? That's more or less where my opinion rests. I feel like by accepting a drink from a man at a bar I am suggesting that there is a possibility that I will at least entertain the idea of sleeping with him. I'm absolutely against one night stands. They will never happen no matter how witty and charming the man I meet might be. If he can't take the time to get to know me as a person, then he's not going to have biblical knowledge of me either. So my position has always been to decline drinks. I feel like it's misleading otherwise.
My friends, both male, disagreed. They claim that when a man buys a woman a drink it's just to open the door to a conversation. Perhaps, but I wonder how many guys will knowingly buy a drink for a married woman or a woman that they have zero interest in sleeping with?
Now we contrast that with the cam life where my time absolutely can be bought. Most models have Amazon wishlists with links that say things like "spoil me". This is something I've been struggling with doing myself. The part of me that won't let a man buy me a drink because it feels too close to taking advantage thinks this is that on an amped up scale. Even a paperback book is going to cost more than a drink. I'm not willing to let guy buy me a $3 shot, but I'd let him pick over my wish list (which, if I'm being honest about my "wishes", would include $600 cameras and lenses that can run more than $1k)?
But then there's the other part of my mind that knows that there are a lot of men who enjoy being able to provide the girls he likes with things they'll love. Some guys like spending the money that way rather than on tips because he knows she'll get the full value of his gift. And some guys actually get off on taking care of a "princess". Nobody is being forced to do anything they don't want and when you get down to it, a wish list is just a bunch of wishes, not demands.
I'll probably go that route to give men more options. I know that, unlike at the bar, these men are actually getting what they are paying for. I'm providing a service that these men are looking for. I actually take a lot of satisfaction from that. My job might be a little distasteful to some, but I'm proud of the amount of effort I put into making sure that I'm pleasing my men. My work ethic is rock solid. If a man chooses to reward me for that, then why should I feel guilty or greedy about it? Employees don't feel bad when they get a Christmas bonus, right?
I just wonder if someday I'll be so accustomed to spending time with men who love to spoil me that I just expect every man I encounter to want to do the same. I think that's when you start to have some problems. I think as long as I continue to keep in mind what service I'm providing for a person before I expect some sort of payment or favor, I'll be ok.
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